lly enjoyed this book and it turned out to be an unexpected story…not what the title insinuates. This book tells the story of the power of family, culture, secrets and forgiveness. It was a great example of perseverance and stoicism. After reading several other stories about Japanese culture, I felt that it held true to the traditions of the Japanese culture and to their pride and resolution to go beyond what their history depicts.
Shoko’s life from the beginning seems to be a story of survival and strong will. When she and her brother Taro are kidnapped by the nanny, it looks like their little lives would be cut short, but Shoko prevails and becomes the heroine of her own life, as well as Taro’s. Shoko seems to never truly have control of her life as a woman in shadow of post-WWII Japan, but she kind of does. She may not have the education she craves but she still takes the opportunities she has to leave her small town and work to make her own money (and help support the family). As a woman, her society expects her to accommodate her life for men. First she must change her life when her father changes their societal status and becomes a priest. Then she is the sole provider of money so that her brother Taro can get an education. She is then the forced (by Taro and her father) to flee Japan with a baby and with an American husband. Her husband then forces her to keep Mike’s conception a secret. Shoko embraces America and leaves Japanese culture and language behind to accommodate her husband and children. Shoko does not return to Japan because Taro cannot forgive her “choices”. Shoko also doesn’t return to Japan because of her American husband, Charlie. Shoko’s son Mike is a disappointment…she raised him in the Japanese way but in America so he is a clash of two cultures. Although, Shoko is bound by the constraints of her Japanese culture, she still prevails after time heals their family secrets. She is the strength of her family.
Mike is Shoko’s oldest child and biggest secret. I felt that Shoko tended to treat him with more care than she did with Sue because of his gender and possibly to make up for his real father’s death. Shoko gave Mike free reign of his life when he actually needed more control. She needed to be more controlling with him versus giving him freedom like she thought Japanese boys needed. Mike is an anomaly because he is 100% Japanese but his mentality is completely American. It seems like the whole family has given up on Mike and has no hopes for his future.
I feel that Charlie knew that Shoko was pregnant with another man’s child from the beginning but that his love and admiration for her was always genuine; therefore, he didn’t care about Shoko’s past. I do believe that he never wanted to control her but that society created the man versus woman dichotomy. I do think that in their actual household, Shoko ruled the roost. Charlie liked Shoko’s control over the household and accepted anything that she wanted. He embraced her culture and wanted to keep her life from Japan alive for her in America. I think he was truly in love with her from the beginning.
Taro is a complex character because he owed so much to Shoko (his life, education, family) and yet could not forgive her for marrying an American soldier (even though it was his father’s wish). I almost feel that he used Shoko as the scapegoat for the ruining of Japan. She was the example of the old Japan relinquishing itself to American culture literally and symbolically. Shoko saves Taro’s life when he is an infant but pride prevents him from forgiving her. His forgiveness doesn’t come easy but it seems like he was ready to salvage their relationship and he seemed like he missed her. I think that he never wanted to banish her but that his stubbornness prevented him from embracing anything foreign.
The only man that gives Shoko a choice and a chance at true freedom is Ronin. It is ironic that he is what ends up binding her to a life of secrecy. Because of his lack of a societal foothold, Ronin had no prejudices for gender or rankings. He saw America as his opportunity to shed his label and to make opportunity happen for him, and sequentially Shoko. His true love for her was so sweet and innocent.
Sue and Helena are Shoko’s hope for the future. Isn’t it ironic that they are women and not the typical expectation of hope in Japanese culture or even American culture? These two ladies are only ½ and ¼ Japanese but embody more of the Japanese culture and fully embrace its history. It seems like Sue has always wanted to be Japanese but that she was hindered by her mother and by society. I loved that she embraces her family’s past and that she travels to Japan and helps her mother unravel all of the family secrets. She is brave, like Shoko, and is passing her bravery on to her daughter. Sue may have been the “sleeper” of the entire book.
This story reminded me of stories from my family’s history where poverty and circumstance really determined your “Lot in life”. So many dreams of education and success are doused by the reality of your place in the world. While some have all and continue to do so, others have little and do what they can to better themselves…sometimes by a lot and sometimes by very little. The expectations of our lives are mostly due to free will but are also determined by our opportunities. It’s what we do with those opportunities that makes a difference. It’s also a perspective on our acceptance of what is and finding satisfaction with the lives we live.
Is Taro ungrateful? Is Taro selfish? Or is he just playing to the expectation of Japanese culture?
Is culture and pride enough to hold a grudge? Is this the only reason Taro cannot forgive Shoko’s pregnancy and American marriage?
Is Shoko the heroine? Is Sue the heroine? Why?
Why is there more complexity to Sue’s character than Mike’s?
Why is Mike so underwhelmed by the news of his biological father? Is his reaction in accordance with the news or with his personality?
Do the men in this book control Shoko to be cruel or because of how our cultures treat women and men?
What are similarities of the American and Japanese cultures? Differences?
What are your thoughts on the anecdotes at the begging of each chapter? Where you amused by the titles to the “fake” book chapters?
Do you feel constraints by your culture? Gender? Family? What family issues do you relate to in this book?
Is this book about gender (man vs woman), culture (Japanese vs American) or family (Shoko vs Taro)? What perspective do you feel was strongest?
P.S.
How to Be an American Housewife
The quotes form the fictitious book are hilarious. Which was your favorite? Mine were:
-“It is not advisable to teach your American-born children Japanese. It will only confuse their language development…They are Americans and should learn only English, as Americans do. (page 200)” In today’s political climate, it seems fitting that we are discussing immigration and refugees. I am American born with Mexican heritage and I do speak fluent Spanish. I do feel embraced by some and repelled by others. Why is it that other countries “allow” citizens to speak several different languages and yet our “melting pot” looks negatively at it even in 2016?
-“Child-rearing in America is a good deal more callous and cold than in Japan. Americans do not believe in letting the baby sleep with them, or carrying them all the time, the way a Japanese mother does. They take a far more disciplinarian approach to child-raising than we do in Japan. (page 156)” There are so many contradictory parenting approaches these days and this quote really articulates how Americans truly are different in their parenting skills. With my first child, I tried to instill the strict baby sleeping schedules and no sleeping in the bed and not carrying him all of the time. But with the birth of my second son, I really changed my tune. Now they both are allowed in our bed and I hold them as much as possible. I realized that the strictness was hard on all of us and now we have a more peaceful co-existence.
-“Getting used to American negativity can be difficult. Americans do not politely defer or help you save face; they simply say, ‘No,’ loudly and emphatically. Being aware of this phenomenon will help prevent shock. (page 38)” This quote is hilarious because it is so true. Why are we so rude?! It is hard to see ourselves through others eye but I know that’s what other cultures think of us. When we moved to Germany for our first military assignment, the one thing we were told was “Don’t act like an American!” It did make living in a foreign country much more pleasant because we got along and understood their culture.
Being a first-generation American myself I really enjoyed this book and connected with Sue.
I think Taro did feel the burden of maintaining traditional Japanese ways and expectations. As a result, his behavior and conduct did reflect selfishness… which was acceptable of males in that age and society. I don’t think that makes his actions excusable, however. Especially when the head of the household (Taro and Shoko’s father) was much more open, accepting and forgiving than Taro. This shows that Taro made a calculated choice with his behavior and could have acted differently.
I personally don’t think culture and pride is enough to hold a grudge. I say that having grown up in America, where we are in a very accepting culture. I believe that Taro could not forgive Shoko’s pregnancy and American marriage because he felt personally ashamed that his actions led her to leave. He felt responsible for the death of Ronin. In a way, the shame he felt for Shoko was really the shame he felt for himself. Displacing his anger onto Shoko was easier.
I think both Shoko and Sue are heroines. Shoko went through a lot, both growing up and as an adult. He had to be a very strong person and her entire life. Conversely, Sue had to deal with a life that was very different from her friends and classmates. She had her own hurdles and demons to overcome. Being a biracial child and raised between two cultures has a lot of complexities and challenges in its own right… which is why I empathize so much with Sue’s character.
I feel like Mike’s underwhelmed response to Ronin being the biological father was attributed to his personality and Aspergers/spectrum issues. His character was definitely underplayed in the book, which may be another reason. Women were the strongest and most dominant characters in this book.
Being the daughter of a Mexican born immigrant, I thought the anecdotes at the begging of each chapter and “fake” book chapters were spot on. Especially due to the age and culture during when the “How to be an American Housewife” guide book was supposedly written. Although demeaning in a lot of ways, I believe it could still apply to immigrants today. Both in how Americans perceive them, as well as how strange our ways and expectations must seem to other cultures.
I really enjoyed this book. Some parts were hard to read, truthfully, because they hit so close to home. Some of the experiences Sue and Mike went through I have literally gone through myself . But I think that’s why I appreciated this book so much.
Jess, great responses! I loved your tie-in to your own background and upbringing. I felt the same way. Sometimes “fitting in” as a biracial person is more difficult than people think, especially here in the U.S. I also shared a lot of the difficulties that Sue had growing up. I understand the difficulty in finding her place. Sometimes you just act like everyone else so you don’t stand out so much. It was always that I wasn’t white enough for the white people and I wasn’t Mexican enough for the Mexicans. Such a hard way to grow up but I am glad that I am bilingual and that I have two cultures that influence my life.
I loved your assessment of Taro’s character. I hadn’t thought about him using his guilt to push Shoko away. That’s a great way to look at how he behaved. It makes sense that because of his own guilt, he feels like he has to be mad at her. Maybe its why he is able to forgive her so easily in the end. I wonder if Shoko had tried to communicate with him sooner if he would have been so quick to forgive.
I agree that Shoko and Sue are the heroines of the book equally and I am glad that they were both equally represented in the book from their own perspectives. Shoko and Sue were both products of their circumstances but they each prevailed and eventually got exactly what they wanted even through their struggles. Just like in reality, our struggles make us strong in the end.
Great job! Looking forward to your thoughts on the April book selection 🙂
I really liked this book! It was not what I expected at all. I guess I was expecting it to be a little more directed towards how to be an American Housewife with the viewpoint from Shoko, but it really dove into her life and was more of a memoir in some ways.
I almost feel as if Taro didn’t know how to be towards Shoko. I think he expected her to follow the Japanese way and found it hard to deal with her choices. I don’t think he was selfish since he was just following “tradition.” I think he was upset with Shoko because she went down her own path and ignored tradition in a lot of ways. I think he held onto the grudge for too long, but he was being true to his culture and tradition, even though his father encouraged Shoko to marry American.
I think Shoko and Sue are both the heroines because they both discover themselves and discover their cultures, Shoko discovering American culture and Sue discovering Japanese culture. I think they both tried to be the best they could, but failed for most of their lives until the end when they were both happy with their respective outcomes.
Mike really upsets me in this book. He seems so lazy and uninterested when he has so much of the story with Shoko. I think Sue has a rich story due to her being so “American” and in the end finding her Japanese self. Mike just seems to be so bored with life and not really wanting to understand who he is and where he comes from. I don’t think he cared much when he found out who his real fatehr is because he couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t meet his eal father and he just didn’t seem to care. Sue on the other hand didn’t have this news, but did choose to discover her heritage.
I wouldn’t say that the men control Shoko, but they do try. I think deep down, she was willing to do as she pleased, but in the end she decided to keep the peace and do as expected. I think that’s what that generation must do, go with what is expected even though they were capable of much more. I think this is a similarity in the cutlures, and all cultures as well. You have a duty to your family and heritage, but certain people take the risk that their heart tells them to take. I also think that the differences are all that different. They have more similarities that we expect or realize. There’s always a duty to fulfill what other people want you to be, no matter where you come from.
I liked the chapter titles! They were funny and even though they seemed so outdated, they still have relevance in today’s society! I would have liked to see more of a parallel between the book chapters and what Shoko was going through. It touched on it, but I would have liked to see more.
I don’t know if I keep restraints by my culture, but I definitely feel expectation to be a certain way and live a certain way. I think being Mexican-American has it’s own ideals of what women should be as a typical Mexican woman, but then the American side sometimes contradicts those expectations. The realization is that you can’t please everyone and you just have to be what you are! It’s very hard and I’m still trying to find the balance!
I think this book highlighted all of the realizations of gender, culture and family and how they all fit together and contradict each other. I think we as women have such a mindset now that we try to mix all of these things and try to make it all work, even if it can’t in some way. I think we try to please all three categories in a way and it ends up working or not and we find that it exhausts us! We’re trying to be modern women with careers and families and also trying to please our elders, that we lose track of ourselves. We forget who we are and I think Sue in this book really discovers herself in a place she never thought she would. I almost feel like it was meant to be for Shoko to be unable to travel so that Sue could discover this lost world that her mother had left behind.
I loved that she went to Japan and shared it with her daughter. Such an awakening for both of them and also allowing them to understand Shoko a lot more!
Great responses. I’m glad you enjoyed it and could relate to a lot of the cultural, family and gender storylines. You said that we try to make all of these things work and coincide even when they don’t always mesh together. I couldn’t agree with you more. As women of mixed races, we are bound to a tradition of being the lesser gender and of bowing to our male counterparts; however, modern times and situations make us more independent and we grow further from our roots because of it. Its not that we are rejecting our traditions but reality creates situations where we have to be more than just a feeble female.
Can’t wait for your reaction to April’s book!